Finding Your Forever Guy: Three Ways to Check Your Connection

When we think of connection, we often picture that amazing physical spark or sexual chemistry. And yes, physical connection is a must-have for any long-term romantic relationship. Just look at couples on shows like Love is Blind: If they don't have that instant connection, they often don't make it.

But here's the catch: the physical attraction can be so powerful that it makes you lose sight of what's happening underneath. That intense physical connection will change over time. You need other ways to connect long-term.

Here are three simple ways to check for a deeper, more lasting connection with the person you’re dating.

1. What Are Your Conversations Like?

I'm not talking about the small talk, the banter, or the fun laughing and giggling. We're talking about going one level deeper.

• Is he listening? When you discuss something important to you or something you feel a little vulnerable about, does this guy actively listen? Does he adjust his presence and join you on that journey?
  

• The Big Clue: When you first meet someone, that’s usually the most interested you’ll ever be in him. If you aren't getting active, empathetic listening vibes from your date now, it probably won't get better.

2. How Do You Both Spend Your Free Time?

This is about core leisure... what you do by default when you don't have anything else you have to do.

Some people love to come home, kick off their shoes, and watch Netflix for a few hours. Other people might want to go out, take a walk, be active, and spend time with friends. Neither is good nor bad. It's just a preference.

You need to be compatible. If your preferences are very different, you'll either argue a lot about how you spend time, or you'll spend your time doing different things. People really don't change their core leisure preferences. You don't have to be the same, but it does need to be something you're compatible with.

3. How Do You Both Feel About PDA?

This third point is very important, especially for the gay or LGBTQ experience.

Maybe you love holding hands and feel like you're in a movie. But your partner might think it's making a statement or putting your relationship in everyone's face. These are two very different views.

Check this early: It’s smart to get a sense of how someone views PDA in different settings, like on the street, in front of family, or at a company party.

Keep Your North Star

Life is messy, and you won't be checking off a perfect list when you date. However, keeping these broad concepts in mind provides you with what I call a North Star.

This North Star keeps you focused and helps you avoid letting simple physical connection be the only way you judge connection. Use these pillars to find a connection that will last long after the first intense physical spark has changed.